Guilt.

You often read blogs I post about how much I love motherhood. However, what you don't see is how long I take trying to word what I want to say, which still never ends up the way I would like for it to. When writing the blog about Kristin having Payton, there was so much more I wanted to say about all the great things Kristin is about to experience. However, I stopped myself. I often do this because I know I have old co-workers and friends who read my blog who desperately want a child and would make wonderful mothers, but are unable to have a child for various reasons.

I have been there. I understand. I hated, but smiled at pregnant women. I hated sitting through teacher-parent conferences with parents that didn't even care about their child. During that period of my life, there were so many daily things that I did that reminded me that I had fertility issues.

There were so many times I would hear a mom complaining about their child and inside I was telling myself "if she only knew what she had...."

Kellie Rasberry from Kidd Kraddick in the morning went through fertility treatment during the same time I did. Her daughter, Emma Kelly, and Jackson are 3 weeks apart. I always read her blog, but then she started to annoy me. She talked about Emma Kelly some, but talked about the party scene more. I know a lot of her fans were people with fertility problems, so it just annoyed me because surly she knew she was acting like one of "those moms" that rubbed infertile people the wrong way. Maybe she did still have them in mind. Who am I to say.

As the reader, you don't know. Just like my readers don't know how long it takes me to write a few sentences about motherhood while trying to keep my readers with fertility issues in mind.

Tonight I came across this video on another blog and enjoyed it. For some of you that found this blog to be annoying, you will find the video to be annoying as well. However, I know others will be able to connect to it. Yes, as you all know, I love being a mother, but yes, I still know the heartache others feel when they know they have a fertility issue. For that reason is why I never brought Jackson in to see my fertility doctor after delivering him even though my doctor told us to bring Jackson by for them to see. I know the emotions in that waiting room, and I couldn't walk through those doors with a newborn baby to show off. I just couldn't face those couples and I never did.

On a lighter note, for those of you that didn't know we went through fertility with Jackson and are asking yourself if maybe that is why Jackson and Garrett look so different. Nope. They are both 100% Kelli and Aaron which would make them 100% brothers. Promise. :) I sometimes think that maybe Garrett isn't my child, but that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.

Hard Work Shattered.

Once upon a time, I was 21 years old and became engaged to a young 23 year old fellow named Aaron. We planned our wedding for a year, and within that year I went to a Pampered Chef party my sister hosted. At this Pampered Chef party, I bought several items for our kitchen that would help me become that wonderful cook I thought I would be for my future husband. My favorite item purchased was a rectangular stone.

This is a stone that gets better and more seasoned over time. It starts off with a clean appearance and turns darker brown and black over time. The darker the better. My mother and my mother-in-law both have a dark, well used stone. For me, that showed they have cooked many meals for their family. Having a dark stone is like receiving a gold medal.

This stone has to be hand washed. You're not supposed to wash it with soap, so excess food should be removed with the scrapper that it comes with. Being realistic, I knew only being allowed to hand wash this would be hard for me, but I convinced myself to abide by the rules so that one day I would have my perfect, well seasoned stone just like my mother and my mother-in-law. I was going to be a great cook, take the extra time to hand wash my stone, and one day I would have a seasoned stone too!

Then we got married. We only had a dog named Barney to care for. We ate out all the time. I didn't cook much.

One night a few years ago, my sister came over to our house and we cooked something. When she pulled out my stone (You know....that stone that I had great intentions of using) she said "Wow, your stone is so white." I translated that to, "Wow Kelli, you sure don't cook much."

Over time I started cooking more and more. When becoming a stay at home mom, I started cooking almost every night. I now enjoy cooking.

A few weeks ago I started noticing how dark and seasoned my stone was becoming. It wasn't yet at gold medal status, but I would give it a silver medal. I actually mentioned my stone to my mom a few weeks ago and how dark it was becoming!

This June will be our 5 year wedding anniversary. Seeing my dark, well seasoned stone is a little pat on my back that maybe I am a good little wife after all. I can't wait to see my stone on our 10 year anniversary.

Then..............today.

(For those that have this stone, yes I have the handle thing you can sit the stone in. However, Jackson loves to pretend like the handle is a car. He cries when I put his car into the hot oven, therefore, I normally use the stone without the handle) As I was carrying the stone to the kitchen table, I DROPPED it. It SHATTERED on the kitchen tile. It was extremely loud which only made my heart drop deeper into my stomach.

All of my hard work is gone. I feel like my silver medal was taken away and I am left with a purple "Thanks for Participating" ribbon we were awarded when we lost a race on Play Day.

Such sadness.

RIP my first 5 years of marriage stone. It was good while it lasted....

Introducing Payton!

Little Miss Payton made her grand entrance into the world today. Kristin was scheduled to be induced today, so at 6:45am, they started her on pitocin. Kristin started at a 1 and a half and by 4pm was only at a 2. She was having major contractions, but just not dilating. So, at 4pm they decided to have a c-section.

Payton is absolutely perfect! My camera battery died on me (What kind of friend doesn't charge their camera the night before her BFF has a baby?!) so, I helped Marla capture some pictures on her camera. You can view her blog: Our Family to see a lot more pictures.

I am so happy for Kristin. Seeing her while she was in labor today and seeing her with Payton just makes me so excited, emotional, and happy. Kristin and I have been friends since we were in 2nd grade. We grew up together and experienced a lot of things together. Driving to the hospital this morning, I just kept thinking how crazy it is that we will both be mothers. Being a mother is the greatest thing I have EVER experienced. It's truly amazing. It just makes me so happy that Kristin gets to experience it and have that bond with her daughter. She is going to love every minute and be a wonderful mommy!

Pucker up Psghetti

I made Pucker Up Psghetti from The Toddler Cafe Cookbook the other day. Jackson LOVES lemons. If he notices me cutting a lemon for a recipe, he will sneak up on the bar stool, and try to take a bite out of the lemon.

When I came across this recipe, I knew Jackson would love it. It is a quick and easy recipe. I actually had all of the ingredients on hand, expect for the lemon.

Jackson doesn't tend to have a huge appetite, but he was a huge fan of Pucker Up Psghetti. I wanted to share this with my other mommy friends, but I knew if I posted the recipe on my blog I would be breaking some type of copyright law. So, I was happy to see that the author has added the recipe to her blog.

Toddler Cafe is all about getting kids used to flavors that are different from the usual ones they may be used to and to help expand their taste buds. I think next time I could easily add in spinach. Keep in mind, it is not anything extravagant. It's just easy, kid friendly, and something different....so I thought I would share.

I have to post these few pictures first so that you will be aware of why the boys have marker spots on their bodies. We were making a "house" out of a diaper box....although it really only looks like a house to children 2 and under.

I am still waiting for the day when I can write "Garrett is walking!" However, I don't know when that day will officially come. The deal is - Garrett is unique with his skills, as we all know. He has his own way of doing things. He knows how to walk, he is actually getting very good at it. However, he also enjoys walking around on his knees. I bet he could win first place in a knee walking contest. He is my random child....

See - he can walk AND hold his "keeey" as he calls it. (blankie)

He's got skills!

Look at Jackson trying to sit like Aaron. Hmmmmm....."What are they looking at?" you may ask.

This ugly turtle. Aaron found it in the road and decided to bring it home for Jackson. WHY?!?! YUCK. It's in a bucket in our backyard. Aaron and Jackson tried to feed it strawberries tonight, but it wouldn't come out of his shell. I don't blame the turtle! I often want a shell to hide in.

I asked Jackson to smile for the camera and this is what I got -

Cute smile, I must admit, but I wanted a more natural one. I told him to relax and smile normal. This is what I got -

I said, "No, show me that you are happy and having fun!" This is what I got -

Just give Garrett baseballs and he is happy.

Oh no....dropped the balls -

I love Jackson smiling at Garrett in this picture -

Aaron was cooking steak on the grill and Garrett was very concerned about the smoke. He was pointing and blowing -

On the go -

Jackson has been saying so many funny random things lately. I know I will forget things he says, so I want to try to start documenting them on here even if they have nothing to do with the post.

Today, the 4 of us were in the car coming home from running errands. Jackson grabbed Garrett's monkey that was sitting between their car seats and said "Gar-grit, I have your monkey just in case!" At first I thought, "Just in case of what?" Later I realized a lot of times when we are leaving the house and I am unsure if we will be home for nap time, I will sometimes ask Jackson if he wants to bring his blanket just in case he takes a nap. So....I think that is why he said that about Garrett's monkey.

His whole language development is so cute to me. This week I noticed he sometimes gets 'how' and 'who' mixed up, which are both question words (sorry, if that was teacher slang) We passed a house and he said "Mommy, how lives in that house right there?" Then he corrected himself and changed 'how' to 'who'. Not that I look forward to him making a mistake, but I love seeing him correct a mistake!! It makes me so proud of him!

We are officially on baby alert. My sister in law, Carissa, should be going into labor any day now. We cannot wait to find out if it is a boy or girl! My friend Kristin is being induced on Tuesday, but little Miss Payton may decide to come before that. Hopefully Payton will wait for her daddy to get home from Iraq this weekend! Carissa and Kristin both use the same ob/gyn group, which happens to be my ob/gyn group too. Maybe they will both go into labor at the same time! In the meantime, I have been keeping my cell phone close by waiting for some action!

Have a great weekend,

(Don't miss the blog below. I posted 2 tonight)

Clean.

I think I have mentioned the current love Garrett has for putting things inside of other things, such as putting blocks in a box, etc. Lately, I have been discovering toys inside of his clothes hamper. It's a constant battle - I pull toys out, he puts more in, therefore I have to be very careful when putting their clothes in the washing machine since I have accidentally washed several toys.

Tonight I threw in a load of their laundry as I was cooking dinner. (No, I don't separate colors, whites, and darks....who still does that?....okay, get those bad thoughts of me out of your head!) Well, apparently I should have paid closer attention to what I dumped out of the hamper tonight. This is what I discovered when the cycle was FINISHED -

How did I miss that!? That is a whole football! Not a baby size football, a whole darn football.

I laughed....showed Aaron....we laughed.....Garrett thought it was funny and tried to put the football into the dryer.

I start the dryer, without the football, and as I'm about to shut the door to the laundry room, I hear "thump, thump, thump." I think to myself "You've got to be kidding me!" I open the dryer and find this -

As if I don't have to deal with enough balls in our house (ha ha, get your mind out of the gutter!!) I now have to deal with them in the laundry room. Uggghh....boys and their balls....I mean, boys and their toys....

Happy Earth Day!

Honestly, I never cared much about Earth Day, the whole "Going Green" issue, eating organic food, or saving energy and water when possible. However, since becoming a mother, I do think of it more and try my best to do better.

If the cleaning products I use in our bathrooms are so strong I will only use them while Jackson and Garrett are in bed, then clearly they are too strong...for any human. (This was GREAT when I was pregnant! Aaron was in charge of the bathrooms for nine months!!!)

Jackson's whole asthma issue (which hopefully isn't an issue at all) got me interested and more aware of products we use and options available since some products can trigger asthma.

Seeing Garrett's face after eating a can of ravioli the other day, made me realize that I want to start cutting back (avoiding wouldn't be possible) on things with preservatives. Although Garrett enjoyed his lunch, his face just wasn't normal....
Wouldn't you agree?

In honor of Earth Day, here are some helpful tips from various sources to Go Green!
Eco-Friendly Cleaning Supplies
Consider replacing toxic cleaning solutions with an all-natural, homemade alternative. Using inexpensive items like lemons, vinegar, vegetable soap, water and baking soda, you can create an effective cleaner.

Green Window Cleaner Recipe

Ingredients
3 Tbsp. vinegar
1/3 tsp. pure liquid vegetable soap (like castile soap)
2 cups water

Pour each ingredient into a recycled spray bottle, and you'll be cleaning green in no time!
Reusable Cloth Dishtowels
If you're constantly reaching for a paper towel, it's time to replace those rolls with cloth or microfiber towels.

At-Home Water Filtration
By investing $30 in a water-filtering, reusable pitcher or faucet attachment, you'll save about $300 a year on bottled water

Smart Power Strip
Many models even come with remote controls that let you turn your appliances and lamps on and off—without moving a muscle

LED Light Bulbs
Lighting accounts for 11 percent of your energy bill, and there are now more money-saving bulbs on the market than ever. They will save you $740 over the life of the bulb

Programmable Thermostat
A new programmable thermostat may run you $40 to $70, but you'll start seeing lower energy bills immediately.

More Ways to Save -

Leave it there! Instead of bagging your lawn clippings leave them on the lawn. The clippings will naturally fertilize your yard.

Go Native Texan! Use native plants for landscaping. They require less water and are more tolerant to our climate.

Water sparingly! Only water your lawn when it needs it, on average 1 inch every 7 to 10 days. Watch for signs of stress. Bermuda will turn a bluish color or leave imprints when you step on it. St. Augustine blades will begin to roll.
Install timers on sprinklers to prevent excessive water usage. It’s even better to schedule the sessions for the early morning or the evening when the sunlight is less intense and water won’t evaporate as quickly.
Call 214-718-1784 to get a sprinkler system inspection! :)

Tune-ups and tires. Keep your vehicle in tune, get it inspected, and check the air pressure in your tires. An under inflated tire will cause your vehicle to get poor gas mileage.

Install a low flow shower head, one that puts out less than 3 gallons per minute. They still have great pressure but conserve gallons of water from each shower.

Unplug it!! Appliances and equipment that are plugged in are still sucking power even though they’re off (think cell phone chargers, toasters, lamps).

Replace your air filter at least every 3 months. A blocked filter can cause higher energy costs and system damage.

Seal it up to avoid intruding air. Replace weather stripping. Seal windows seams. Add
extra insulation in attics and in walls.

Turn your hot water heater down to 120 degrees. The water will still be hot but your energy bill will be much lower.

*Federal Tax Credits up to $1,500 for Energy Efficiency Home Improvements
Click here to learn more

Here's a good excuse for a yummy treat...
Sprinkles Cupcakes: Eat a cupcake and help plant a tree!
From April 20-24

Whole Foods
Get a lunch tote—for free! Click here for a coupon to redeem in a store near you.

Get a deep clean. Save green. Tide Coldwater provides a deep clean in cold water, so you can cut down on energy costs and save money .

I have been using the Green Works All Purpose Cleaner, but after reading Marla's Blog the other day, I was encouraged to buy 3 more Green Works products today at the store being that it is Earth Day.

I feel better after using these! I used to find myself washing out the bathtub really well before putting Jackson and Garrett into a freshly cleaned bathtub due to the chemicals. (Cleaning out a cleaned bathtub....hmmmm....something is wrong with that!) Now, I feel like it truly is naturally clean and safe for them. If only I could make it magically cleaned. :) Click here for a coupon for Green Works products.

Happy Earth Day!

Story Time with Jackson

Five Little Monkeys

*Jackson is saying "he" instead of "his" in case you are trying to figure it out.


Green Eggs and Ham

At first he is saying he doesn't like green eggs and ham at all, then he mixes the two and it becomes Sam I am at all.

He would say the words first, then I would repeat what he said so you all would know. In the video below, he just starts repeating me over and over....but he did say it first!

Modern Day Mom.

I came across this picture the other day.

First Thought: Laughter. Isn't that just dandy how happy and pleasant this little lady is. So out of date, right?

Second Thought: Wait, that is me. Oh, wow....except a few things. My hair is in a pony tail. I am wearing comfortable clothes. (You know - the type of clothes that look like you just got back from working out, but the only workout you did was tackle the daily battles of parenting) Hmmm.....I am not too different from that happy little lady.

Third Thought: Oh, wait....no, no, no. Where the heck are her kids? Maybe we are a little different after all.

Let me break it down for you....

The iron cord. Does this mom not have a baby trying to pull on the iron cord? Maybe the picture should show below the waist to show her feet pushing the baby away.

Mopping. Does she not have a child that is trying to run and slide on the wet floor? Does she not have a baby screaming in the next room because he/she doesn't like the wetness on his/her hands and knees? Where is her dog trying to attack the mop?


Why is she still smiling? Come on Lady! Your doing dishes...perhaps it is after dinner. You know you are watching the clock because it is almost time to put your kids to bed. Aren't you a little tired by this time of night....why are you smiling?!

No, I don't do this. My 2 year old would try to hang from the towels. However, I do use a dryer that I often have to restart. Garrett has just discovered opening the dryer and throwing things inside.

Sewing. I have a sewing machine.....a sewing machine that has several cords hanging down. Cords that a baby loves to pull on.
Does this lady not have a child hanging on her back watching her sew? "What's that Mommy?" "How you do that Mommy?"

Cleaning the sink. Does she not have a child that is trying to help clean but is really only making a bigger mess? Where is that child?

Oh wait....her children must all be down for a nap at the same time? Maybe they are alone playing outside because it is safe to do? Perhaps all the children are gathered around the kitchen table reading or coloring.

I bet her husband works a normal 8:00-5:00 job and when he arrives home from work they will sit down as a family and eat a home cooked meal. Awww....how sweet!

Darn lady! Maybe I need to start wearing a magical apron!